07.09.2003
What's up, life? Hello, reality. I've grown up in the past few weeks--ahh, what Summer can do to a person--decided to face reality (I can't go to an out-of-state college, cuz I prolly won't be able to afford it) and now I have decided to go to UMBC, room with my best friend ever (Andrea), major in Ancient Studies, and then get a great job in a New York City museum.

See, the plan is: 1)go to college for about 4 year, 2)get a job in New York, and move there with my sister and her daughter. I figure it's a good, safe plan. I want good and safe, cuz life still scares me.

Yes, I said life scares me. That's right, make fun of me. I don't care. I admire anyone who can support themselves with ease, cuz right now I know I wouldn't be able to. Yah.

  

07.07.2003
*sigh* Life all makes sense again. Well, to a certain extent. Ima go to UMBC, where it's all cheap and everything. So there's no astrophysics major, I'll live. History interests me more, anyway. I'll major in ancient studies, and minor in physics, and then I'll get a job somewhere (maybe NY, maybe not) and live happily every after. *sigh*

  

07.02.2003
What the hell is wrong with me? Oh, no, wait! I already know. I'm a psyco. Seriously, people. Never befriend me. I think i'll live outthe rest of my life as a recluse. I'll never date, never hang out with ANYONE, never nothing. I can't do otherwise, it isn't part of the plan anymore. I have terrible people skills--outside family and friend relationships. I can't date. I can't, I can't, I can't! I can't! See, now, look: I've lost my train of thought. I can't even gripe right...

  

04.30.2003
Will I ever find someone? I hear about all the happy, fun relationships people have, and I want mine. I don't want a relationship for the sex, or the kisses, I just want someone I can talk to and have fun with. Sometimes I ask myself 'what's wrong with me?...why can't I have someone there?' and I start to cry.

  

04.05.2003
I don't feel so good...it's not that cold sickness feeling either (though I do have a cold). It's a sick to my stomach feeling. I have a date tonight with a really nice guy..and that's the problem. My entire life I've "dated" jerks... asses...dicks--whatever ya wanna call them. And, I don't really like him like that...you know, my knees don't go weak, and it's not like I can't go one day without seeing him. But Jess insists that he likes me, and if he does I don't want to hurt his feelings cuz he's a great guy, and I wanna be friends with him.

The entire notion of someone liking me is kind of new to me. Well, in the sense that I haven't dated anyone in two years. Yah, now I remember why that is...

  

01.24.2003
It always makes me feel so good when people sign my guestbook (*hint hint*)! And...especially when I get nice comments about my writing (thanx, Alex)! Everyone probably thinks I'm crazy though (me -- a professional writer? Hah!) Anyhow...yep. I have a story I'm working on now -- if anyone would care to "hear" -- and I think it's pretty good. I hope everything works out in the end so I can get it published. Well, CROSS YOUR FINGERS!!!

  

01.20.2003
Hey! Everyone go vist my, uh, other site...it's to promote my writing career...anyways the URL is www.jannmeade.4t.com

  

01.13.2003
Am I the most pathetic person in the world, or is it that everyone just doesn't like me. How can someone call themselves your friend, and not want to hang out with you. I really do try to get out, and do stuff with my "friends", but they just either don't seem to get the message, or don't care. Well, then I won't care. Maybe I'll just cut them all off completely. I wish someone would want to be around me once in a while... maybe if I were a bit more normal...

  

01.06.2003
Okie dokie, folk(s), I just have a few things to say. I have decided that since I am too lazy to post updates when they go up I'll just have to force myself to put any new updates up weekly. Ok, now I just have to remember to do that. Yep. LOL, I think that's all I have to say...

  

01.05.2003
Ok, serious blog here, people. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (damn that whole "grown up" thing...) and I've come up with some conclusions. 1)I'm not as afraid of losing my virginity as I used to be. I always thought it would be too weird to -- and I put it a very light way -- have sex with someone. I swore to myself that, since I felt it would be too awkward to be around the person afterward, I wouldn't be doing "it" anytiome soon. I've changed my mind. It doesn't seem all that bad; if it's the right person, and you know that they're the kind of person who you can actually talk to I guess it's ok.
2) I'm beginning to think that, if I had the chance, I wouldn't move back to Rockville, I would stay in Annapolis. I don't know, it's weird. I had a dream that my parents got divorced, and my dad moved back to Rockville, got remarried, and had a kid. I was living in Annapolis with my mom and the rest of my family, but I wanted to spend time with my dad so I decided to move in with him in Rockville. Well, things were strange. Maybe it was just because it was a dream, but still. I was afraid of the way people drove, I didn't like my room (which looked exactly like it did at my old house before I moved), and I really wanted my mom. I woke up too early to see what it would be like to go to school, lol. Plus, so many things have changed, and I know I would never be able to fit in with everyone in Rockville...ever again. It's sad to think about. Really sad. There are too many differences between Rockville and Annapolis and, even though I lived in Rockville longer, I think my experience in Annapolis has had a larger impact on me. I think I changed too much to go back.

  

01.04.2003
See poll above.

  

01.01.2003
Hey! What's the same at both ends, is nothing in the middle, and will never exist again? I'll just let ya think about that one for a while. Anyways, HAPPY NEW YEAR. I'm taking drivers ed. in February -- be afraid...be very afraid. Jessica's party last night was great. There weren't many of us there, but that didn't make a difference, it was a blast all the same. I got piggy socks, piggy tissues, lol, and some glow-in-the-dark stars to put up in my room from her for Christmas. I hung them [the stars] on my TV and one of my shelves (the other shelf has stars I got from my sister on it -- they have neat patterns on them). Wow! 2003, can you believe it? And to think, three years and one day ago we all thought the world was goingto end! Hope everyone had as good a time for New Years as I did. Bye!

Oh yah, I forgot the answer to the riddle -- it's the year 2002.

  

12.13.2002
Hi, my few fans. I don't have much to say...I'm just on cuz I hafta to make a real big shout out to my other best friend, Amanda, because I didn't mention her in the blog from my birthday (I think it was on August 9). Anyways, I'm so sorry, Manda. I wrote that cuz I hadn't seen Reeni in a two whole years, and I was so excited. I LOVE YOU!!!

  

12.09.2002
Ok...who here thinks I'm crazy. C'mon now, raise your hand. Anyways...yah. I think I'm pathetic......... I know I'm pathetic. I don't know anyone else besides me who writes about stuff like this is their blog. Maybe I'm just -- special. Yep, that's it. So, how was your day, Blog? Mine was fine. I told Jess I hate him. She says I shouldn't. Ok, I won't! Yah...well...I can't think of anything. Gimme a second to think..................... Ahhh, yes. Everyone who visits this site should take the Utopia survey. Why? Because I said so! (Not really...plus, there's, like, one of you....but anyways...) Natalie Imbruglia has some really interesting songs...and some neat FX...Hmmmm...

  

12.06.2002
What is wrong with me? This isn't supposed to make me depressed. I don't get depressed about guys. I didn't like him...I didn't! I hate it. I want to IM him and tell him that I don't like him and he doesn't need to feel weird around me. But, how do I say that? I want things to be...cool. I want them to be like they were before...so I don't feel embarrased whenever I see him. Damn...I'm glad he's never going to see this; I seem obsessed. I'm not! I'm not obsessed *reassuring myself*. This is just a way of venting that makes me seem obsessed...ok... Breathe, Jess, breathe.

  

12.04.2002
I hate guys. I really hate them. I told the person I like them. No, no! Don't get me wrong, he didn't freak out...I did. He won't talk to me now. It should have never happened. It wouldn't have if I didn't tell Maureen about it (it was tiny then). But then I did something stupid and told other people. The way they reacted embarrased me so much I started believing that I did like him...alot. I can't let myself do this; I'll go crazy. I'm just going to act like it never happened. I never had a crush.

  

11.30.2002
I've got a crush on someone. Nope, no one gets to know unless they already do. I'm not even going to tell him -- not until I get to know him better, and make sure he likes me back. Gosh, I've never waited before; I've always been forthright with guys. It's so nerve-wrecking. Blah!

  

11.26.2002
The whole site is going to be down over the weekend...well, down in theory. I'm putting up the new layout so, yah, I'm going to take the main link down while I do so. BTW...the new layout is kind of primitive in the sense that it isn't all fancy and all. I felt like having a good picture, and I got one, so it's all good. Uh huh...yep. So, that's all I got. Peace out!

  

11.24.2002
I think I'm going to be finished with the new layout soon, but I'm not sure...(I'll keep myself posted since no one looks at the site anyway) Yah, well, my weekend was good. Did I say good? I meant g - r - e - a - t! I stayed in Rockville Friday night, and Saturday, and I came home this morning. It's so amazing how things change. I'm confused though, I don't know whether I would be so eager to move back again as I was when I first moved. I didn't see many people I knew...basically, just Maureen. It's weird. I hope I don't depress myself...gosh, I hate when I make myself think all this deep stuff (I always end up acting like a fool). And then there's this thing me and my sister were talking about. Everyone has a hometown, and they know everyone in their hometown. Where's my hometown?

  

11.10.2002
As I walk along
I see a snow-bunny
Walking beside me.

- Me

Hehehehe...

  

11.09.2002
OMG! omg...The Ring is...omg. The initial movie isn't all that scary; it's when you get out of the theatre and realize that you have a TV in your room (right by your bed) and that you have a lot of VHS tapes. That's when it gets f***ed up! But...then there's the part where you remember how you have dark brown hair...and you flip it over as your older sister comes around the corner, and she runs away screaming like a two-year old for your mom. Man, that was a messed up movie. I wanna see Fear.Dot.Com...

  

11.04.2002
I've known rivers:
I've known rivers ancient as the world and older
  than the flow of human blood in human veins.

My sould has grown deep like the rivers.

I bathed in the Euphrates when dawns were young.
I built my hut near the Congo and it lulled me to sleep.
I looked upon the Nile and raised the pyramids above it.
I heard the singing of the Mississippi when Abe Lincoln
  went down to New Orleans, and I've seen its muddy
  bosom turn all golden in the sunset.

I've known rivers:
Ancient, dusky rivers.

My soul has grown deep like the rivers.

--Langston Hughes

  

10.04.2002
*SINGING* OoooH, I'm going on a wiiiiillled blog, a wild blog, wild blog. I'm going on a willlld blooooooooooooooooooooooooog... yes, that's what I'll do tomorrow! :D

  

9.20.2002
Sup, Dawgs? LOL. Sorry, I'm listening to NERD. Hehe...guess what I was listening to before that...really, guess! I was listening to Ben E. King. Can you believe it...that's like...a TOTAL decade jump, man. Oh well. If I hadn't just gotten the song, I'd prolly still be listening to Oldies. I like Oldies. Sue me!

What was that stupid ****'s idiot?"
...Huh?


  

9.02.2002
Blah-dee-blah blah blah! Yep. Well, I added a buncha new things to the page...or, made a buncha updates...whatever! Anyways, seeing as how I did that, I'm all...uh...written out. So, all I'm going to do is leave ya'll with some wisdom from Bob
    "This class stinks like a bad thing that is stinky."

  

8.22.2002
YIIIPPPPIE!!! You have no idea how happy I am. We finally got around to putting a network cable into my room so I could get on the internet. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY. Woohoo. Now for the serious part/issues. School starts Tuesday (for upperclassman) and I haven't finised even one of my assignments. Sure, I finished the books (well, two of 'em, and I'm almost done with the third) but I haven't finished the writing part. I am so going to die if I don't get them finished. So (ahh, the scary part) I am not going to be getting online (on my page, that is) until next Saturday -- I need to concentrate on school. Or, so that's what I tell myself, anyway.

Click here to see a picture of my sister that I made -- she didn't want me to put it up, so I'm gonna.

  

8.21.2002
*Tear* School starts next week (I don't hafta go Monday, cuz I'm not a freshman, hahaha), and I don't know whether to be happy about going back, or totally sad about it. GRRR. And I still haven't finished my summer assignments (ooops...heh heh). I am so not gonna be happy getting up at 5 am instead of 10... what am I going to do? Arg. I so need to finish my assignments...maybe I should be doing that instead of being on here...hmmmmmmmmm....

  

8.17.2002
Ok, so it's only 10:20 (EST) and still the 16th, but it would be weird to have two entries on the same day. Yah, well I'm kind of spacey right now. I'm listening to some...uh... faerie music, and totally pretending I'm a fantasy person right now. See? Spacey! But, I really love all of that fantasy...stuff. I swear, I would be in my own little "heaven" (no, I don't believe in the heaven) if I could be surrounded by any fantastical creatures, for a brief moment, even.

Maybe I'll continue this entry when it's actually Saturday, but for now I'm going to go make myself even more spacey!!!

  

8.16.2002
GRRRRRRRRRRR. I am so angry...and so lonely. I don't even have my best friend anymore. Yah, she's moved on... She goes to her camp friend's house at, like, a seconds' notice... one who lives 41 miles away, may I add...but she can't come to see me, the person who is supposed to be her best friend in the whole world when she's given TWO MONTHS NOTICE. Ok, she came for a day, wow! No, nope, can't come only 5 miles more...DAMMIT I am sooooo angry. I can't believe her. And you know what's going to happen when she gets my e-mail...she's going to get mad at me. Just wait, she will

  

8.14.2002
Hehehehe...I got an evil plan. Wanna see it?
Your objective is simple: World Domination
Your motive is a little bit more complex: Love (Yes, it works)

Stage One:
To begin your plan, you must first Assassinate the Pope. This will cause the world to sit up and take notice, stunned by your arrival. Who is this Unholy Menace? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in a Corporate Suit?

Stage Two:
Next, you will Destroy All the Governments of the world. This will cause countless hordes of evil-doers to flock to you, begging to do your every bidding. Your name will become synonymous with Fear, as lesser men whisper your name in terror.

Stage Three:
Finally, you will Activate your Great Supernatural Forces, bringing about the Return of the Antichrist. This will all be done from a Medevil Castle, an excellent choice if we might say. These three deeds will herald the end, and the citizens of this planet will have no choice but to elect you their new god.

HAHAHAHA, isn't that great. Well, I thought so. You can get one too, here. Anyways, that's really all I had to say so I think I'll go now. BYEZ!!!!

  
P.S. I'm sorry if I offended anyone with this entry. I meant no harm, the evil plan was concocted with only pure fun and entertainment in mind.

8.12.2002
HAHA! I always seem so depressed when I write these things. You have to know, I AM NOT A DEPRESSED PERSON...most of the time. I guess that's just the only time I ever have anything big enough to blog about. Well, no more of that. I'm going to write happy blogs. See, happy, Happy, HAPPY!!! LOL! OOOOO, guess what. I started a new project today (well, last night really)!! It's going to be a quiz site. I'm going to have so much fun making it! You can go to the new page I put up about all my lil projects and learn more about it :D

  

8.11.2002
*Sigh* Everyone is gone. Gone -- gone. *Sigh* Ok, before I start on my whole sob story, I think I'll provide a little background. From the time I was six years old, to about two weeks after my thirteenth birthday I lived in a (haha) 'lil town called Rockville. Then I moved to Annapolis. A smaller, totally boring town by the Chesapeake Bay. Now, transport yourself to today (you know, 2002). It's my fifteenth birthday, and time for everyone to go home. I'm taking my friend from Rockville home. Do you have any idea how hard it is to go back to someplace that means so much to you, only to leave again. I don't think it would have been so terrible if I wasn't reminded so much of how I haven't been around for TWO years the whole time my friends were here. Everything has changed! I think it was the hardest thing for me to drive away knowing I wouldn't be back for a really long time without crying. So, yah, that's how it is for me.
  

8.09.2002
Wow! I haven't blogged in...forever LOL! I am in such a great mood. My *BIRTHDAY PARTY* is tonight, and my birthday is tomorrow. I'm so excited. But, there is a downfall. I invited about 13 people, sent out the invitations TWO MONTHS ago, and only 2 people are spending the night. I felt like crying cuz I was talking to my *BEST* friend in the whole world who was supposed to be coming to spend Sunday with me, and she was talking to her mom about it and I thought she was gonna end up not coming like last year. I would have been so heartbroken. Yah, well she *IS* (almost definitely) coming Sunday, so I'm happy again!!! SEE YA!!!!! Oh, by the way...if you haven't noticed, the new layout is up. Not too great, but I didn't spend much time on it either, so it's pretty good for the effort :D!!

  

8.06.2002
I'm getting sick of this layout. Yah, I love Hayden Christensen, but this is such an ugly layout. Tomorrow (Thursday, at the latest) there should be a new, wonderful layout up! But, seeing as how I'm in the process of making it, I have absolutely no time to write alot today. C-ya :)

  

8.05.2002
Alright! I think I'm on a roll...that's, like, an average of a two pages a day -- go me! Yah. I was browsing some sites...and you know what I realized -- I have too simple a layout. I can do better (this isn't my best attempt, if that's what you thought), I just don't have too much time right now. So, yah, I'm gonna justify that to myself and pretend I'm justifying it to everyone else. There goes my insecurity again... No, I am no depressed, I'm just having doubts about my abilities cuz I haven't taken the time to make a (really) nice website layout. Oh well. So...how was your day? LOL!!!



8.04.2002
Alright. Layout -- done! Content -- not! That'll hafta wait anyways; I have a five page paper to write for World Civ (it's due the first day of class) and I elected this day to be the day I spend completing the whole thing (I have most of the first page done). So, yah, that's how I get to spend my day -- I'm so excited...